so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
