uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
