Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
