we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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