tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
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Send help, water and tortillas.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.