Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.