Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail