2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...