i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That's what I'm talking about
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic