I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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