And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
