I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
