Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
