the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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