i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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