Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
