Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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