i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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