Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
