Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
