And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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