i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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