i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize