Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize