I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
