ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
