Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
