Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
