ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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