What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
