He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
