He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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