I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
