ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
