I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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