i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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