I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
