i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
