I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
