the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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