the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
