it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
