I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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