haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
