i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
