God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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