We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
