I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
