haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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