So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
