There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
