some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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