she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
