I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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