ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
