Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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