i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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