I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
