operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
