What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
