What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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