i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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