yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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