I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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