I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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