you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
