Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
